Siblings, Step-Siblings, сестра, брат, frère, sœur

We don’t get to choose who we are biologically related to. We don’t get to choose how they show their care. Sometimes someone can consider a sister isn’t even always biologically related. In my experience, a childhood friend ends up being the best sister figure anyone can ask for. When we hear the word siblings what comes to mind?

Does a biologically related family member come to mind or is it a close friend who treats you like a real sister should treat you. She may not check in consistently but when you need her she’s there. When you need someone to listen when you feel that the whole world is against you when it isn’t. She may look nothing like you because she’s Korean mixed but she’ll show it to someone. Sometimes family isn’t always who you are related to. Siblings can be loved but they can also be a daily questionable pain. As we grow up we realize we’re not as close to people as we thought we were. Because as many memories as we hold onto like a safety blanket it doesn’t change that the older siblings only call when they need something. It doesn’t change the fact that they were gone for 8 years. It doesn’t change that they didn’t ask for your graduation zoom code after you move your schedule around for them. It doesn’t change a lot of things.

If something happens to them you feel devastated. And sometimes you don’t know what to do. Figuring out the family is not a fashion fundamental. Figuring out the family is like understanding the difference between lapis and, cerulean. A fashion expert can tell the difference unless you’ve mastered color theory. It’s like listening to a therapist describe the difference between circadian and, circannual. There are similarities to someone unfamiliar with the terms but, when you actually look into it they are very different. Approaching siblings you struggle getting along with is like driving.

I see myself behind the wheel and, I'm scared of messing up. Then I get behind the wheel adjust the seat so I can see. Even when I see it I’m still afraid cause I wear glasses and, sometimes even with glasses I feel I don’t see everything.

It’s a common feeling. There are things we think we can see and, there are things we can’t see even if it’s right in front of us. There’s no handbook on the family. There’s no handbook on how to approach family issues. There are no do-overs for the people who really do feel like a sister and, brother. Some people are lucky to have a sibling they are close with or, to care enough to argue with them. Some are not as fortunate to have that because no matter what we do to get close or to water the relationship because the person on the other end refuses to reciprocate. There are times where it can be improved upon but, in some cases, it cannot be because certain actions have sealed it.

There’s an expression that goes something like “Blood is thicker than water.” While it’s true that family bonds are different from friendship. Blood may be thicker than water but, it’s harder to clean up. Some family bonds are like that. The bond is not as thin as sewing thread but the messes are a nightmare to deal with. Usually, to clean up blood you know what to do it’s something you can google. Family issues you can’t google those it’s either intensive family therapy or gloss over it as if everything is ok. When it never really is.

There are times where we see things differently for a long time. It’s usually only a matter of time before we find out that we were looking at the same big picture the entire time. Other times when you want something there are just too many locks regardless of how much you try.